


Truth Hurts

by Acacia_Mac



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, Riley Bashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-01
Updated: 2015-09-01
Packaged: 2018-04-18 10:21:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4702481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acacia_Mac/pseuds/Acacia_Mac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A VERY old story I wrote.  Up through BtVS Season 4 ep: "Dead Man's Party", and Angel's "She" <br/>AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my answer to a Challenge that was brought to us.  This is also my answer to Buffy's current change in attitude this past season.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Truth Hurts

**Author's Note:**

> DISTRIBUTION: I'd be honored! But please let me know where it's going. Please.   
> DISCLAIMER: I own none of the BtVS characters. They all belong to Joss   
> Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy, and other parties.   
> RATING: R (NC-17 Maybe)   
> Summary: B/R, B/A, sex, angst, adult language, violence. Riley Bashing.   
> FEEDBACK: Yes please. Especially since I am always very insecure on my writing. Constructive criticism please. Flames will be used to warm my house.   
> SPOILERS: Up through BtVS Season 4 ep: "Dead Man's Party", and Angel's "She"   
> AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my answer to a Challenge that was brought to us. This is also my answer to Buffy's current change in attitude this past season.   
> DEDICATION: To Sarah and David for giving us the wonderful chemistry between Buffy and Angel. Without them this wouldn't be possible. To all those who have ever supported any of my writings. Without you, I never would've been able to do any of this. And since the list is too long, I won't even begin to list them. But you know who you are. I hope.

  


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Fic Challenge:   
Requirements:   
1.   The gang must call Angel to sunnydale to track her down.  He finds her while she's patrolling with her new bestest friends in the world.  Angel cannot be injured seriously..and if he is injured at all..well...whoever does the injuring lives to regret it. 

2.   He brings her to Giles' apartment where the entire gang - spike included - is waiting.  No uncalled for bashing...just making her face to up to her behavior this year! 

3.   Angel must use the line "The woman I loved would never have done all this." or something to that affect..Buffy reacts to the use of the word "loved" instead of "love".  Oh..and after a good yelling match between the gang, her and Angel, she and Angel have a good heart to heart - clear the air about exactly why he left, how they feel etc.. 

4.  Smut between B/A wouldn't be argued against, if you can find some logical way to fit it into the story - dealing with curse as well. 

5.  Don't necessarily have to see Buffy and Angel reunited as a couple at the end of it, but I definitely want to see a promise of that happening.  Maybe he gives her more time to sort out her feelings and confusion...and to grow up a bit. 

6.  An Angel-Riley confrontation.  Being as it's this list..I'll just expect some Riley bashing..LOL  But try to keep the concerns legit and pertinent to the show and what we've seen of his character - so far, we haven't seen any indications that he loves cows or whatever other Riley jokes are out there.  *G* 

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Prologue

Willow sat on the couch, waiting anxiously for the rest of her friends to arrive.  They had all agreed to meet a Giles’ place so that they can try an figure out what to do about the recent rise in demon activity.  Granted most of the time, the one who should be there wasn’t.  _‘Buffy’s always with her *new* friends,’_ the young witch thought.  Despite the fact that Willow and Buffy were room-mates, the red head rarely ever saw her friend anymore.  _‘First it was oh Angel, then oh Parker, now it’s oh Riley,’_ she thought disgusted.  _‘And to top it all of, it’s oh Initiative.  Yeah, I get to play G.I. Jane.’_   Willow didn’t like this new Buffy, it was like no one else existed.  The Scooby Gang was drifting apart, something that Willow never thought would happen.  Not after everything that they had been through.  But it had started. 

A knock at the door drove her out of her thoughts, as she saw Giles move out of the way to admit the new arrivals.  Willow caught sight of Xander, and Anya.  _‘Yeah,’_ she thought _.  ‘I’m happy.’_ “Now all we need is Buffy, right,” she asked Giles, although she already knew the answer. 

“I suspect that she will be along shortly,” Giles answered back.  He had hoped that his young Slayer would realize her duty.  Although he couldn’t fault her for her happiness with this Riley fellow, however he didn’t like what it had done to both her and by the looks of things to all of them.  _‘When did it all start,’_ he asked himself.  He knew the answer right away.  Buffy’s decline had started the day that Angel had left her.  No, it had started right before the prom.  He had tried to talk to Angel about his reasoning when he was there Thanksgiving, but he didn’t get far.  He only wished that he would find the answers they all wanted before it was too late. 

Xander sat down in one of the chairs, rolling his eyes.  “You know, just as well as I do, that Buffy isn’t going to show.  She’s got that whole Commando thing goin’ for her now, and we don’t fit into her new group of friends.” 

Willow looked up at Xander, wide-eyed.  “Buffy is still our friend.”  When she saw the exasperated look on Xander’s face, she continued.  “She is. . .She just doesn’t hang out with us anymore.  But at least she’s happy.  That’s what we all wanted.  Right,” she asked looking at Giles for support, knowing full well that she wouldn’t get it from Xander nor Anya. 

Anya just shook her head.  “Frankly I don’t care either way.  That whole commando thing gives me the creeps.” 

Giles removed his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose.  The entire situation between the still mysterious Commandos and Buffy was a little odd.  He had hoped that Buffy would fill in some of the gaps that he had.  What was room 314?  What was their purpose?  So many questions, not enough answers.  Buffy was already an hour late.  She was supposed to have met with him, long before now.  He had so much to tell her.  Xander looked over at the older man and shrugged.  “Well this is the fifth day in a row that we haven’t heard from her.  Hell, Spike is better at being here than she is.” 

Giles couldn’t fault that logic.  The ex, or was is still current, enemy was becoming more reliable than the Slayer was.  That thought scared him to no end.  “We need to do something,” he thought out loud. 

Spike, who had been sitting in one of the other chairs looked up at the gang, as if noticing them for the first time.  “I say we beat the living crap out of her.  Maybe that would get her attention.” 

“Oh yeah that would work.”  Xander began.  “Who asked you anyways?” 

“You wanted to know what to do, I told you,” he retorted. 

“Yeah, great.  And who do you have in mind to kick her ass?  You?  You can’t even hurt a fly anymore.  Hate to tell you she’s not a demon, so what good would you be,” Xander began, more than ready to continue his daily Spike bashing.  ‘Man, it feels good to get a shot or two in.  Especially since he can’t kill me,’ he thought with a smile. 

“Yeah, like you could. . .” 

“Enough,” Giles yelled.  Spike and Xander have been at it for the past five days, and it was getting old fast.  “Does anyone have anything constructive to add,” he asked placing his glasses back on. 

Willow looked up, biting her lower lip.  “What about Angel?” 

“Dead Boy,” Xander snorted.  “Great, just what we need.” 

Spike raised an eyebrow looked at Willow with a hint of admiration.  “That could work.” 

Xander turned to face the blond vampire, “are you crazy?” 

“No, she’s right.”  Spike noticed Willow smile slightly, with a look that said ‘at least someone thinks it good’.  “I mean you sure as hell can’t fight her, well unless you want to end up looking like something that doesn’t resemble that mess you call a room.” 

“Hey!” 

“The only one here that would have a chance would be me.  And since those no good commandos, or whatever, screwed me over, the only other one would be dear ol’ soul boy,” Spike explained with a smirk.  “It would be perfect.  On one hand you got the fact that those two still love each other, help us all.  Then on the other hand, we got someone who can beat some sense into that thick skull of the Slayers.  Of course his skull is thick, neither one will admit what they really feel for one another.  I tried to tell them you know.  I told them. . .” 

Giles looked at Spike with amazement.  For once the annoying Vampire was right.  If anyone could hopefully bring Buffy back, it was Angel.  At least the former Watcher hoped.  “I’ll give him a call now,” he stated cutting Spike off.  Giles picked up the phone and dialed the very familiar number.  ‘Please be there,’ he thought.  ‘Buffy needs you.’  As soon as the phone connected Giles prepared to say something, but was interrupted when he had heard the sound of the answering machine kick in.  ‘Damn.’ 

**************   
Part1

Angel was sitting in his office, going over their latest case with Cordelia and Wesley.  Since Wesley was now the newest member of their team, Angel felt that they once again had a chance.  It’s not that he didn’t doubt Cordelia’s ability, it was just that he didn’t want to put her in jeopardy.  Since Doyle’s death, he had wanted to protect his friends even more.  Cordelia was his last hope for redemption.  She was his only link now to the Powers that Be, and he wasn’t ready to lose that.  Not yet.  They were all interrupted when they heard the phone ring.  Angel looked up at Cordelia, “you going to get that?” 

Cordelia looked up from the book in front of her, over to her desk, then back to Angel.  “The machine will pick it up.  Besides we’re after hours, it’s not like we’re getting paid overtime anyways,” she said going back to the book in front of her. 

Angel rolled his eyes.  Cordelia was lucky that she was a friend and his link to the Powers.  She definitely didn’t know how to run an office.  He heard the answering machine pick up the call, as he listened to see who would be calling this time of night.  “Angel Investigations.  We help the hopeless.  If that's you leave a message,” Cordelia’s voice came through, then the beep. 

Shutting out Wesley and Cordelia’s argument over something, Angel listened.  “Angel, it’s Giles.  If you’re there please pick up.  It’s an emergency.” 

Suddenly, Angel felt as if the world had stopped.  _‘It’s an emergency,_ ’ was the only thing running through his mind.  Getting out of his chair he quickly headed toward the phone, completely missing the pained expression on his partners’ faces.  Picking up the phone, Angel held it close.  “Giles.  What’s going on?  Is Buffy alright?” 

Despite the fact that Buffy had told him the last time they had met that she didn’t want to see him, more or less, Angel knew that he would go against her wishes if she was in trouble.  No matter what anyone told him, or what he had tried to convince himself, Buffy was still his whole life.  She’s all he thought about, all he dreamed about.  Their one day together when he was human hadn’t helped any.  If anything it had made things worse, for him at least.  “Angel, thank god I reached you.  And to answer your question, as far as I know, Buffy is fine.” 

With Angel’s ‘super’ hearing he caught someone in the background laugh.  “Yeah right.  She’s lost it, if you ask me.  Granted, it is kinda funny,” the voice said.  Angel knew that voice, but he couldn’t, or at least wouldn’t believe it.  ‘It can’t be.’ 

“Who asked you?  Now shut up so that Giles can talk.  This was your idea,” Xander snapped back. 

Angel heard Giles take a deep breath, then pulled away from the phone slightly.  “Will you both be quite?” 

Angel held his breath, not wanting to reach through the phone and strangle the problem out of Giles.  “Giles,” Angel asked. 

Giles took another deep breath, and Angel could almost see him pinching the bridge of his nose.  “I, I, I can’t really. . .talk about it over the phone.  If you could please come here.  I, I’ll explain everything once you get here.” 

Angel bowed his head, not really wanting to head down this road, but knowing deep within that nothing would stop him from making sure that Buffy was safe.  Taking in a unnecessary breath of his own, he sighed.  “Alright, I’ll be there in a couple of hours.” 

“Thank-you.  I. . .” Giles began. 

Angel cut him off.  “But if you can’t convince me that this is the only way, I’m leaving.  Buffy doesn’t want me there, and the last thing that I want right now is to break that trust.” 

“Yes, yes of course.  We shall see you soon,” Giles said as he hung up the phone. 

Angel just stood there still cradling the phone in his hands, then gently placed it back on the cradle.  “I’ve gotta head to Sunnydale.  Take care of things here for a couple of days.  I’ll call once I get there,” he began as he headed toward the elevator leading to his apartment. 

Cordelia placed her hand on his arm, halting his forward movement.  “Wait a minute.  What’s going on?  Is everything alright?” 

Angel shook his head.  “I don’t know.  I won’t know until I get there.” 

“So you’re just going to pack up and head down there the first time that Buffy gets into trouble?”  Cordelia knew that she shouldn’t be made at Buffy, but being here with Angel, and knowing what he had gone through, what he had given up for the Slayer. . .she just didn’t want to see him get hurt anymore.  “Angel, you don’t have to do this.  She’s a big girl.  She can take care of herself.  You need to worry about yourself for once.” 

“If Buffy’s in trouble, and I can do something. . .” 

“So what?  She can take care of herself.  You have done more than enough for her.  What has she done for you?”  Cordelia was hoping that Angel would see that this wasn’t a good idea.  She had just gotten him somewhat over his little brooding problem.  _‘At least he smiles sometimes,’_ she thought.  She didn’t want to see him take a large jump backwords.  He was one of the only people that she trusted, and that she could count on.  To see him hurt, tore her up inside.  He didn’t deserve all the pain that just one look at Buffy could bring him.  Cordelia was so sick of all the talk that she had heard from the other members of the ‘Scooby Gang’.  Almost anything that she had heard was _‘oh poor Buffy’._ And _‘how could Angel do that to her’_.  It was enough to make her sick.  None of them knew Angel like she knew him now.  **_*Okay.  I learned that I have two people I trust absolutely with my life.  -  And that part's new,*_** she had told him and Wesley after they had helped her out.  She meant it.  She’d be damned if they hurt him. 

Angel glanced down at the hand on his arm.  “Look, if it’s nothing then I’ll be back by morning.  I have to at least hear them out.” 

Cordelia sighed, defeated.  There was no way she could talk him out of it, she knew.  “Are you sure you’re going to be alright with this?  You know with what happened that day, even though you’re the only one who remembers.  Can you handle seeing her again?” 

Angel was touched by her concern.  She was a good friend.  Who would’ve ever thought that he would count her as one of his best friends?  Times change, and as Cordelia stated once, so do people.  He remembered his discussion after the entire deal with his old pupil, Penn had shown his face in LA.   
  

_***"People really ‘do’ change,” she had told him.**_  
**_"Yes they do. And sometimes they change back. - If the day ever comes that I.."_**   
**_Angel never got to finish that thought.  "Oh, I'll kill you dead," she had said with such a straight face, it made him wonder._**   
**_"Thanks."_**   
**_"What are friends for?"  At that Angel had to smile.  She was a good friend, and they had been through so much.*_**

“I’ll call when I find something out,” he smiled.  He looked over to Wesley.  “I’ll be back soon.  Try not to get kidnapped again.” 

Wesley just continued to stand off to the side.  “Oh ah, of course, boss.  I will keep things running smoothly in your absence.  You can count on me.  I won’t let you down.  I am your humble servant.” 

Cordelia just rolled her eyes.  “See what I mean, an art form.” 

***************   
Part 2

 ** _*"No.  I-It is confusing.  And I..  When we're apart - its easier.  It hurts - every day.  But I live with it.  And now you're - you're right here - and I can actually reach out.. and - it's more then confusing - it's unbearable."*_** He rememebered saying those words to her.  It was easier when she was not there.  Now here he was heading back toward all that pain.  Heading to the place where she was.  Knowing full well that he would have to see her at least once, before he left, dispite the pain that he knew he would be feeling.  It broke his heart everytime he thought about what they could’ve had.  Parking his car in front of Giles’ apartment, he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself.  Buffy told him that she didn’t want to see him again.  Well at least until a long time had passed.  He knew deep down that it hadn’t been long enough for him. 

Giles opened the door for him, and he stepped inside.  Willow, Xander, Anya, and. . .Spike were there.  _‘Spike,’_ he thought.  He was hoping that it wasn’t his ‘grand-sire’s’ voice he had heard on the phone.  But lately things hadn’t worked out the way he had planned them to be.  Spike smiled at Angel as he stood off to the side of the room.  “Well, you made it.  Feeling better,” Spike asked him. 

Angel glared over at Spike then turned to Giles.  “What is he doing here?” 

“It’s a long story.  However, I. . I can say that he is harmless,” Giles informed him. 

“Hey,” Spike began, insulted.  “I can fight demons.  And I almost kicked your tail all over the place.” 

Angel stepped up to Spike, getting in his face.  “I’m only going to say this once, and I sugguest that you listen well.  If you hurt any of my friends, I will kill you.  Remember, I still owe you for the last time we met.  I know I’ll never forget.” 

Spike gave his old friend a small, evil grin.  “Speaking of which,” he began looking down at Angel’s hand.  “Where is the ring?” 

Angel didn’t notice the looks from everyone there.  They were all wondering what he had done with it.  Oz had been very vage with the details on what had happened while he was there.  Angel smiled at Spike, knowing full well that it would shock the youner Vampire.  “It’s funny really.  Not that it really matters, but I made sure that no one would ever get it again.” 

“What do you mean,” Willow asked. 

Angel glanced over at the young witch, and shrugged.  “I destroyed it.” 

Spike came out of his chair in an instant.  “You did what!?  Man, that gem could’ve, would’ve made you invincible.  You threw away your chance at true immortality.”  Spike looked down defeated, “not to meantion my only chance.  I can’t believe this,” he finished sitting back in his chair, not wanting to look at the man whom he used to look up to any longer.  ‘All goody goody.  As much as I hated him without a soul, maybe it would’ve been better, than this,’ Spike thought.  ‘Makes me want to heave.’ 

“You. . You destroyed it,” Giles asked. 

“Yes,” Angel began.  “Look can we. . .” 

Willow looked up at Angel, “but Oz said that you were using it.  What happened?” 

Angel shook his head.  “It’s a long story, which I really don’t want to get into right now.  Just. . .can we get down to why I’m here?” 

“Yes, yes, ah. . .Well,” Giles began.  Between the members assemebled there Angel was quickly brought up to date on the events as of late.  The Initiative, Riley, and more importantly Buffy’s role in all of it.  “So you see, we have to do something.” 

Angel closed his eyes, he couldn’t believe it.  Not his Buffy.  “She told me that she was on a brink of something.  I guess I just didn’t know what it was.”  Angel turned to look out the window.  “I guess now I do.”  Turning back to the group he sighed.  “How long has this been going on,” he asked not really sure he wanted an answer to the question.  He didn’t want to think that their time together after Thanksgiving was a lie.  Well it was, but. . .was she apart of this then.  Is that the driving force behind her not wanting him to be a Vampire anymore?  So many questions. 

Giles removed his glasses, as if he could read Angel’s thoughts, he answered.  “She didn’t know about this until a month or so ago.  We all knew about the mysterious commandos, before Thanksgiving when you were here, but we didn’t have anything else to go on.” 

Xander let out a small laugh.  “Yeah, then when she did find out, she kept us all in the dark for a while, so in all actuallity, we’re not really sure when she knew.”  He glanced over at Giles.  “The thing is we don’t know for sure.  Buffy’s been acting strange for a long time now.  She may have known about this before Thanksgiving for all we know.  It’s not like she could trust us with this anyways.  We had to find out on our own.”  Xander was angry, and rightfully so.  Buffy had always trusted them with things.  Well almost everything.  He had always thought that she would fill them in on something like this, especially since she knew they were trying to figure this guys out. 

Willow looked over at Xander with a shocked expression on her face.  “No, she would’ve told us.  I know she would’ve.” 

“Yeah, right.  When was the last time you talked to her.  I mean really talk.  She completely ignores us.  She’s got her new bestest friends watching out for her.  What does she need us for,” Xander ranted. 

“Enough,” Giles said with a raised voice.  “We don’t have enough information to even speculate.  The only one who can answer our questions is Buffy.” 

“Yeah, well, she’s not here,” Xander finished. 

Giles looked down at the floor.  He had been hurt when he had found out that Buffy had known about this group and hadn’t told him.  The wound was still fresh.  And as much as he hated to admit it, he agreed with Xander on some level.  Placing his glasses back on, he looked over at Angel, who had turned to stare back out the window.  “Will you help?” 

Angel closed his eyes once again.  The pain he was feeling hurt him deep within his very being.  Taking a deep breath he nodded, “yes, I’ll help.  I’ll find her, bring her back here, then hopefully we’ll get the answers we deserve.”  With that he walked over to the door, opening it.  “I’ll see what I can find out tonight.  We make our move tomorrow.”  Glancing over at Giles, he gave a small smile.  “I’ll meet you at the mansion around noon?” 

Giles nodded.  “Good-luck.  And be careful.” 

“I will.  Don’t tell her that I’m here.  It’ll be easier if she didn’t know,” Angel said leaving everyone to stare at where he had been in wonderment. 

“This should be fun,” Spike said with a smile. 

*****************   
Part 3

Angel had been standing beside a group of trees, waiting for the show to begin.  He had been planning all day with Giles and the others, and he only hoped that things worked out the way that they had planned.  If this didn't work, then he wasn't sure what he would do.  Everything was on the line.  He had heard that they had ways of tracking demons.  They could tell a signature and track it.  He hoped that what he had dug up in the past twenty-four hours was true. 

Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of a small group heading in his direction.  Creeping further into the shadows, he kept watch.  "Okay, let's split up.  Forrest.  Take a group, and head to the left," one of the men in ski masks stated.  The same man, whom Angel figured to be the leader, pointed to another group.  The second group headed toward the left, leaving the leader and another person.  Looking on, Angel instantly knew who it was.  Buffy.  She still looked beautiful.  She was wearing a light color jacket, and tight black pants.  Angel closed his eyes hoping to shut out the sudden rush of pain that filled his senses at the sight of her.  The last time he had seen her, or heard her, was the day after Thanksgiving.  That thought alone, made him want to scream. 

"So what ya got," Buffy asked her partner. 

The man glanced over at Buffy and shrugged.  "Whatever it is, we should see it.  All the readings I'm getting says that it should be here."  The man glanced down at his little hand-held device, and shrugged.  "Are you seeing anything?" 

Angel wanted to laugh.  _'See something,'_ he thought. _'She's the Slayer.  She should sense me by now, and know exactly where I am.  It's her job.'_ Instead of saying anything Angel kept quite, waiting. 

He caught a glimpse of Buffy just shake her head.  "Nothing, but I can feel something."  She walked up to the other man, and looked down at the guy's device.  "Well?  Where is it?" 

Angel knew he couldn't take anymore.  Slowly, he began to creep out of his hiding place.  He took extra caution to keep quite.  The last thing he wanted was to startle them.  It definitely would do his health any good.  He heard the man reply, "All it says is that whatever it is, it's close.  Keep a look out, this thing is powerful.  Professor Walsh wants to study this one." 

Angel just smiled.  "You know it's kinda funny.  One would think that the Slayer of all people would be able to tell where a master Vampire is," he said as he stepped out of the shadows.  Leaning against a tree, with his arms crossed he just looked at Buffy.  He had heard the stories by the others, but he wanted to see if they were true.  Had she changed that much? 

Buffy snapped around, and stared at him.  "Angel," she asked in a whisper.  Angel just continued to look at her, not wanting to say anything quite yet.  He wanted he to get everything out of her system first, so that hopefully she would be able to listen rationally.  Before he could blink, she was directly in front of him.  "What are you doing here in my town?  Skulking again?  What do you get a thrill out of stalking me?" 

Angel glanced over her shoulder to see her friend talk into a small radio.  _'Here comes the reinforcements.  Hopefully everyone is ready, cause if this is going to work we have to do it now.'_ "Buffy, keep away from him.  We'll handle it," the other man said. 

Angel looked at Buffy in the eye, and shook his head.  "What you have to have armed guards now?  Didn't you tell me you were a big girl now, and you didn't need any help?  Or at least it was something to that effect, wasn't it?"  He looked from Buffy to the group of men coming in their direction with their guns pointed at him.  "So this is your no help?  What you need guys with guns now to protect you?  And here I thought you were the Slayer.  I thought you could take care of yourself.  You really have changed haven't you?"  He said closing his eyes.  That was it, everything that the others had told him was true.  How did this happen? 

Buffy looked at Angel and laughed.  "Like you care.  You left remember?  You have no right to stand there and tell me what I need or don't need.  You gave up that right a long time ago, Angel." 

The leader of the group carefully raised his weapon, and   pointed it directly at Angel's chest.    "Buffy step away." 

Angel turned his attention to the man, and shook his head.  "I wouldn't do that if I were you," he said waiving his hands in the air.  "You never know who could be lurking in the shadows.  Suddenly out of no where an arrow landed just inches from the leader's feet.  Watching the man jump back, Angel just smiled.  "Nice shot," he called out. 

"Why, thank-you," a voice said from the shadows. 

Buffy looked around and suddenly noticed all of her friends standing around with weapons pointed at the group of commandos.  "Giles?  Guys what's going on?  What are you doing here?" 

Cordelia stepped out of the shadows, with Wesley by her side, and smiled.  "Well you see we had heard about what's going on, and what your part is in all of it.  You see, it doesn't go over too well with us." 

Wesley glanced over at Giles and nodded.  "You have betrayed everything that the Slayer is. You have betrayed your destiny," Wesley stated firmly. 

"I betrayed," Buffy began.  "Hello, I thought you guys were my friends.  But here you are standing in the way of my job, holding all of us hostages."  She glanced around, and felt sick.  "And where did you get all of the guns, and weapons anyways.  What are you planning on doing?" 

Xander just smirked.  "Well actually, I knew that that time I was a soldier would come in handy again.  And you know what they say Buffy.  One Slayer dies the next one is called.  Maybe we should put you, all of you, out of our misery." 

Willow looked over at her long time friend.  "Xander?"  Xander just gave her a look, and she lowered her head.  "You haven't been yourself lately, Buffy.  We're just worried about you, that all." 

Giles stepped forward a little, noticing that the commandos still had not relinquished their hold on their weapons.  "I. . I'm sorry that we had to take such drastic measures, Buffy.  But we didn't see any other way.  All we wanted, want to do is talk.  I hope that you understand." 

"Understand," she yelled.  "I can't believe what I'm hearing.  I thought you were my friends," she exclaimed.  Her temper was now on the rise, and getting worse.  How could they do this to her? 

Angel looked at Buffy and sighed.  "You know Buffy, it's just that everyone cares about you.  This isn't you." 

"What do you know about it?  You haven't seen me in months." 

"You're right," he said taking a deep breath.  He had her attention.  He had to see if he could get her away from here so that they could talk.  There was a lot that they needed to talk about, and with their audience it wouldn't be possible.  Not for what he wanted to tell her.  "Listen, I know that I have no right," he began.  Cutting off any retort that she was about to say, he continued.  "You know it's funny really.  I actually loved you.  And from what I remember, the woman I loved would never have done all this.  Never.  You aren't the same Buffy Summers who had looked me in the face, my true face, and told me that it didn't matter.  You aren't the same person who I had loved with all my heart and soul.  Oh but wait, I forgot, my heart isn't even beating, right?"  Angel knew that what he was saying would hurt her, but dammit, so was he.  He had seen the look on her face when he had said the word loved, instead of love.  He knew he still loved her, that would never end.  She was his first love, and she always would be in his heart.  But he couldn't believe what he was seeing.  She had hurt him so much, just by being with these people.  "You once made me believe that it didn't matter, who I really was.  I can't believe I fell for it." 

Willow's eyes went wide, as she heard the words rush out of Angel's mouth.  She caught the shocked expression on Buffy's face, as the words hit her.  "Angel," she begged.  Hoping that he would stop. 

Angel quickly turned to face the witch.  "No, Willow.  If this is the only way to get her to see what she's doing is wrong then I'll do it."  Turning his attention back to Buffy, he lowered he eyes to the ground.  This was going to hurt him more than it hurt her, but he had to get through to her, he knew it.  "I have to ask, Buffy.  Was it all a lie?  Did you just say those things just to make me feel better?  Why did you do it, cause from where I stand, I can't believe that I'm looking at the same person.  The woman that I had loved would never have purposely hurt another living being.  But you are.  Don't you see what you're doing to your friends.  To Giles?  Are you happy?" 

Buffy glanced down at the ground, letting the words that he had said slam into her.  She felt as if her heart was shattering into a million pieces.  "How can you doubt what I feel for you?  How can you say that?"  She bit her lip, hoping to stop the tears from falling.  "You don't love me anymore," she said quietly. 

Angel held out his hand, shutting out everything else around them and concentrated on her.  "Buffy," he began quietly.  "We want to help you, but you have to trust us.  We care about you, and we worry about you.  If you keep this up, you'll end up destroying yourself."  With his voice still deathly quiet, he reached out to lift her chin so that she was looking at him square in the eye.  "If you want our help, then take my hand.  Come with me, and we'll work all of this out.  If not, if you want to keep doing what you know is wrong, then turn and walk away.  I won't stop you.  You'll never see me again.  But please, Buffy.  If any of us mean anything to you.  If you had any feelings for me at all," he began, then paused.  Taking a deep breath, he finished.  "Then take my hand and let us help you.  Let us take away some of the pain that you're feeling.  I'll be there for you, all you have to do is give me. . give us a chance." 

Buffy turned to look over at the group behind her.  Her boyfriend, and the rest of the Inititive, then turned to her other friends.  Willow, Xander, Giles, Cordelia, and Angel.  They had been there for her, when she thought that she had nothing left.  They had been through so much together, and she had let them down time and time again.  Was Angel right?  Had she let them all down?  Could they help take away the constant ache that she felt deep within herself?  "Buffy," Angel asked quietly. 

Taking a deep breath, she slowly reached out her hand taking his larger hand into hers.  Her decision was made.  "Buffy, what are you doing?  Don't listen to him.  He's only going to hurt you," the leader said stepping up beside her. 

Buffy bit her lip, then looked at the leader.  "I owe them so much, Riley.  I at least have to hear them out.  Please," she begged. 

Riley looked down at the ground, and shook his head in disbelief.  "Alright, but I'm coming too." 

Spike who had been sitting on a rock near by laughed.  "I don't think so, mate.  We want to talk to her, not have you try and brainwash her anymore.  If you're there, it'll only make things worse." 

Riley turned to look at the man, remembering full well who it was.  "Hostile 17," he said with disbelief.  Things were going from bad to worse. 

"Actually it's Spike.  Or if you want to get technical, it's William the Bloody, back in the old days.  This whole number thing is such a bore.  I mean really.  Can't you come up with something better than that," he asked with a smile. 

Xander noticed that the other members of the Commando unit were making their way over to Spike.  As much as he didn't like the Vampire, he had helped them out on more than one occasion.  "You touch him you die," he said with a smile on his face. 

Cordelia turned to face Xander, "touch him and you die?  Oh please, can you say full of yourself?" 

Xander whipped his head in her direction in shock.  He had forgotten how annoying she could be.  But there was something different about her.  Had she changed so much?  Not that he was complaining. _'You're going out with Anya now.  Thinking about Cordy that way would not be good for your continued sexual life,'_ he thought.  Giles stepped forward.  "Enough," he said, stepping over to where Angel and Buffy were.  "Buffy?" 

Buffy shook her head.  "I'll hear you out."  She turned to Riley and gave a small smile.  "I'll call you later, okay?" 

Riley knew that he had lost this battle.  "Alright," he answered.  _'But the war is far from over,'_ he thought as he saw the group walk away from them.  _'This is far from over.'_

****************   
Part 4

It didn't take long for everyone to arrive at Giles' apartment.  One by one, they walked into the living room, and sat.  Buffy walked over to the wall, and stood there.  This was their show.  They wanted to talk so there she was, waiting for things to start.  _'Why does it feel like I'm getting ready to be tortured,'_ she thought.  She glanced around the room, taking in everything.  It had been a while since she had been in this room, and she was glad to see that it hadn't changed.  _'At least somethings in my life never change.'_ She turned her attention to Angel who stood apart from everyone else, next to the wall opposite of her.  _'Yep, somethings never change,'_ she thought with a small smile.  She then noticed that Cordelia and Wesley moved closer to where Angel was.  It seemed like the three from LA didn't feel as if they belonged.  Shaking her head, Buffy looked at the band from Sunnydale.  "Okay, can we get this done, cause I have work to do."  _'I'm so not looking forward to this,'_ she finished in her mind. 

Giles took a deep breath, hoping to alleviate some of the tension that everyone felt.  He opened his mouth to talk, but quickly closed it again.  _'Where to start,'_ he thought.  This was a very delicate situation.  They were all worried about her, but if they pushed her too hard, or came on too strong, where would that leave them?  "Well, ah. . .Buffy. . ." 

They all heard a sigh coming from the far wall, and turned to the sound.  "Okay, since no one here is brave enough to say anything, I'm going to say it," Cordelia began.  "You've lost it."  Cordelia began to make her move closer to Buffy, ignoring the evil glares that she was receiving.  "You've completely ignored your friends, your family, everyone.  For what?  So that you can get in some guys pants?  Is that it?  I mean for real." 

"Cordelia," Angel hissed. 

"No, there's no point in sugar coating this," she said turning to her boss.  Cordelia then turned back to Buffy, and shook her head.  "You know, in High School, I wanted to be like you.  At least in part, okay, so don't get all freaked on me.  I mean you had the friends, not that I didn't have friends, but it was different.  You had people that you could count on, people that would risk their life for you.  And why?  Why would they do that?  Because, Buffy, you were the type of person who would do the same thing.  I know that I was a Bitch, back in High School. . ." 

Xander laughed at that, since he remembered first hand what she was like.  "You got that right." 

Cordelia turned to him, and glared.  "But," she continued.  "I learned a lot from you.  Frankly, you and your little gang here, with help from Angel and Doyle," she started to ramble.  "Anyway, because of you, all of you, I realized that there are more things in life than just money and prestige.  I wanted to help.  I wanted to make something of myself.  And it's all because of you."  Cordelia turned to look at the others, then over to Angel.  "You have no idea what it's been like for the rest of us.  Not that you really care right now, but it's true.  You have no idea what *we* gave up so that you can do what you do."  Cordelia saw Angel lower his head, looking down at the ground.  Taking a deep breath she turned her attention back to Buffy.  "And this is how you repay them," she said pointing to the Scooby Gang.  "By ignoring them?"  Cordelia just shook her head then moved back to her spot next to Angel.  "Forget it.  I don't know why I even bother." 

Xander, Willow, Giles, and Buffy were all staring at Cordelia in shock.  Spike, however, had a big smile on his face, and began to clap.  "Bravo.  Will you marry me," he asked with a wink.  Cordelia looked at the Vampire with disgust.  "Well it's worth a shot.  At least someone here didn't try and, as she so wonderfully put it, sugar coat it." 

Xander shook his head, as if to shake off the after-effects of Cordelia's  speech.  He glared over at Spike, "who asked you?  You're not a part of this." 

Willow looked over at Xander, "actually he is.  I mean, look at him.  They did that to him.  Shouldn't he have a say in things too?" 

Spike smiled at the young witch.  "Thanks." 

Giles removed his glasses, and began to clean them.  "Buffy, it's just that we are all worried about you.  You haven't seemed yourself as of late, and we just feel that you may need help." 

Willow looked down at her hands, not wanting to look her best friend in the eyes.  "Yeah, I mean, you haven't been around.  We haven't talked, not really.  Oh, ah, I know, we've talked, but it's not the same.  Everytime that we sit down and talk, it's like you're not there.  And then it's either, oh Riley, or I gotta go, the Initiative needs me.  What about us, Buffy," she asked starting to get a little angry.  The last thing she wanted was to get angry, and lash out.  But it was hard.  The things that she had been feeling lately, had been boiling for a while, and it hurt.  "I mean, I needed my best friend.  I've been going through these things, you know.  Things that I needed to talk about with you, and you're never there.  I mean, I could be pregnant and it wouldn't matter," she began. 

Everyone's heads snapped up at Willows statement.  "Pregnant," everyone chorused, shocked. 

Willow looked up, and quickly shook her head.  "I mean, ah, no, I'm not.  But, but what if I was," she began, embarrassed. 

Giles walked over to Willow and placed his hand on her shoulder.  "It's alright." 

Willow looked up at Buffy's still shocked expression, and sighed.  "It's just that I've missed you.  I thought that I would never feel this way again after you left that summer, but I do.  I needed my best friend, I still need you," she finished looking back down at her hand. 

Xander reached out to take Willow's hand in his, then turned his attention to Buffy.  "Willow's not the only one who feels this way.  Granted, I've felt out of the loop for a while.  I mean, come on.  I didn't go to college like you two did.  So where does that leave me?  We don't go out and just hang anymore.  Then when we are together, well let's just say that you're never truly there." 

Buffy looked down at her hands, taking in everything.  "I'm sorry, you know.  It's just that I've been going through a lot lately, and. . ." 

Spike laughed.  "Oh please," he began.  He noticed the look of death that Buffy had sent him.  "You're not the only one, little miss perfect.  Come on, Giles turning into a demon," he said pointing toward the Watcher.  "Xander, well being Xander, whatever that is.  Willow, your best friend, just had her love life torn away from her.  Okay so that was a while ago, but still.  And what about me?  Look at me, I can't even feed on my own.  I have to be feed like I'm a little child."  Angel had to smirk at that, only to receive a glare from Spike.  "Pathetic." 

Buffy slid down the wall so that she was sitting down.  She curled up into a little ball looking at everyone surrounding her.  She felt as if she was trapped, and everything in her was screaming to get out.  "Why are you doing this," she asked everyone.  "I've been trying, okay." 

Angel moved from his spot to kneel in front of her.  "Buffy," he began in a soft voice.  The same voice that she had loved so much, not that she had ever told him that, but the sound of his voice still had the same effect it once did.  "No one here is accusing you of anything.  We want to help you through whatever your feeling.  And they need you to help them also.  We all love you, Buffy," he began only to get a snort of disapproval from Spike.  He had missed the small glimmer of hope that had appeared in her eyes.  "Well almost everyone," he finished with a glare to Spike.  "But, Buffy, you can't just take love.  You have to give some of yourself too.  Love isn't one-sided, it's hard, but if it's something that you want then you have to work at it.  And their trying, Buffy."  Reaching out to take her hand into his own, he sighed.  "But they can't do it alone.  They need your support too.  They need your love." 

Giles made his way over to Buffy and Angel, and placed his hand on the Vampire's shoulder.  "Buffy, if you can't or don't want to try, then I suggest that you tell us now.  If what you want is to stay where you're at, then please let us get on with our lives.  We can't continue the way things are going.  You've lied to us, you've hurt us deeply.  But we are willing to put it all behind us, and move on." 

Willow nodded, "yeah.  If you can't be there and help us, so that we can help you.  Then I know I can't do it.  I can't go half way.  I need my friend, like I used to have."  Willow glanced at Buffy with cloudy eyes.  "Please." 

Angel moved away from Buffy, so that Giles could take his place.  Giles bent down in front of the one person, who he felt was like a daughter to him, and sighed.  "If you want to stay with the Inititive then please, you have to let us go.  But if you want to help us so that we can in turn help you, you must leave that part behind.  I. . I can't make that decision for you.  And I don't expect an answer now.  But please think about it." 

Angel took a look around, then down at Buffy.  "I think we've covered enough for now," Giles just nodded at Angel.  Angel then turned to the others.  "Why don't we just leave her alone for right now, so that she can think about it." 

Willow and Xander nodded.  Cordelia shrugged.  "Well I guess our job here is done.  Ready to go back," Cordelia asked Angel and Wesley. 

Wesley nodded, while Angel just shook his head.  "I'm going to stick around for a little while.  I'll be there is a few days." 

Cordelia gave a small smile, then placed her hand on his arm as she made her way to the door.  "Don't take too long.  We do have work to do," she said knowing full well that Angel had to see this through.  "Call," she finished as she turned back to the others.  "It was good to see all of you again."  Cordy gave Giles a hug, then turned to leave.  "Don't be a stranger," she said as she stepped out of the apartment into the night with Wesley. 

Xander just sat there and stared at the now closed door, in shock.  "Wow, she really has changed." 

Angel just shrugged.  "She's been through a lot lately.  With Doyle's death, demons, ghosts, visions, whatever.  She's a lot stronger than you think," he said with admiration. 

"Wow," Willow said. 

Angel glanced over to Giles.  "I'll patrol tonight.  That way. . .well you know," he said. 

"Yes, yes, of course.  Please be careful," Giles answered back. 

Spike stood up.  "Well, this has been fun, but I'm off.  Things to do, people to see, you know."  He turned to Angel.  "I'll come with you." 

Angel looked over at his former pupil, shocked.  "Excuse me?" 

"You heard me." 

"Fine," Angel growled.  "Let's go."  Before they left, he turned back to Buffy, "you going to be okay?"  She just nodded in response.  Then he turned to Giles.  "You know where I'm staying.  If you need anything let me know." 

"Of course, thank-you."  Angel just nodded, and headed out into the night with Spike.  Giles then turned back to the Slayer.  "Are you alright?" 

Buffy looked up into Giles' eyes.  "I will be.  I just need time, please."  Giles nodded, as he watched Buffy stand.  "I'll talk to all of you tomorrow.  I promise."  Then she left the apartment to think.   
  

******************   
Part 5

Buffy had been walking all night long, trying to make sence of everything.  The fact that Angel had shown up, had thrown her.  He always had a way to throw her life into a tailspin whenever he was near.  She still loved him.  She had hoped that the feelings that she had for him would lessen in time, but they hadn’t.  If anything they had gotten stronger. _‘Why do I feel like I’ve missed something,’_ she asked herself.  Since she first felt Angel there last night, she had been feeling something pull at her memory.  Something that she couldn’t explain.  She wanted, no needed answers.  _‘What did I do to have him no longer love me?’_ Angel had confused her.  First he had told her that he didn’t love her, then he turned right around and said that they cared.  What was going on?  Why did she care? 

Buffy knew that she couldn’t make her decision without first talking to him.  She needed to know where they stood.  Looking around she found herself standing outside the mansion.  _‘Figures, I’d end up here,’_ she sighed.  Since Angel’s departure she had often come here to think.  Whenever she needed to feel safe and secure, she would come here.  She was just grateful that no one else had taken up residence in the old mansion.  Despite the pain that went along with this place, it also held hope.  They had worked through so much in this place.  His apartment only held good memories, well despite the one with Angelus, but that didn’t count, really.  The mansion was the place that she had sent him to hell, and then brought him from the brink of suicide.  They had gone from enemies, to friends, to lovers in this place.  She had to see him, they needed to talk about so much.   So many questions that she needed answers to.  Answers that only Angel could provide. 

She walked into the mansion, heading straight toward the living room.  The fire was burning brightly, and Angel was laying down on the couch reading a book.  “Am I the only one here who feels as if I’ve entered the Twilight Zone,” she asked. 

Angel quickly jumped off of the couch, dropping his book, to stare at the new arrival.  “Buffy,” he said.  “I wasn’t expecting you.” 

“You’ve lost your touch if I was able to sneak up on you,” she said with a small smile as she made her way further into the room.  “May I,” she asked pointing to the couch.  Angel nodded, allowing her to sit down.  Buffy noticed that he had moved over to the chair that was next to the couch.  “Boy, I guess I didn’t think that this place would look like this.  I mean, it looks like it did a year ago.  Has it really been a year?  Wow, how time flies,” she rambled on. 

Angel resisted the urge to reach out and wrap his arms around her.  “I had a lot of time on my hands yesterday.” 

“Yeah, I guess so,” she said staring down at her hands.  “We need to talk.” 

“Okay, what do you want to talk about,” he asked.  Why was this so hard?  Just having her here, with everything that had happened between the two, was hard.  Flashes of their time together, kept appearing before him.  He wanted to shut them out, but it was becoming more difficult. 

“Well, I guess we can start with why you left me,” she began. 

Angel’s went wide.  “We’ve talked about that Buffy.  Why do you want to bring all of that up again?” 

“Cause I don’t believe you.  I can’t believe that you would leave for something as stupid as what you told me.  What did I do to deserve that?  When you left, I felt as if I was being torn apart.  And now, I’ve actually found something that has a chance to fill that gap that you left, and you come walking back in my life.  Why?” 

“I’m here cause Giles was worried about you.  Trust me, if I had a choice I would’ve stayed away.  It’s what you wanted me to do, and I’m sorry I broke that promise.  I. . .” he began. 

Buffy sighed.  “Why did you leave me,” she asked.  It sounded small to her own ears.  She didn’t want to break down, not now.  She had to know the truth, she had to if she could move on.  Taking a deep breath she continued, letting the small bit of anger at the whole situation begin to rise.  “And don’t give me that bull about how I deserved a better life, and children.  I want the truth.  Why didn’t you want your life to be with me?”  That was the question that she had been asking herself since that day in the sewers. 

Angel stood and walked over to the fireplace.  He had his back turned to her, since he couldn’t look her in the eyes.  “The truth,” he whispered to himself.  “Okay,” he began.  “I owe you the truth.  It’s the least I can do.  What I told you before, Buffy, was the truth.  At least in part.” 

Buffy got up off of the couch and stepped over to him.  “Tell me.” 

Angel just continued to stare at the mantle, gathering his thoughts.  “I don’t even know where to start.” 

“Start at the beginning.” 

Angel turned around to face her, taking her hand in his.  Slowly he lead her back to the couch, and sat down next to her.  “Buffy. . .”  Taking a deep breath, he sighed.  “You have to promise me that you’ll hear me out first.  I don’t know if I can say what needs to be said, if you interrupt.  Please.” 

Buffy nodded.  “Okay, I’m in listening mode.” 

Angel shifted in his spot, looking down at their hands.  “What I told you was true.  You deserve more than me.  I’ve always felt that.  As much as I tried to stop loving you, I couldn’t.  There’s a part of me, Buffy that feels as if I was never good enough for you.”  Angel noticed that Buffy was trying to intrupt, but he halted her by placing his finger on her lips.  “I’m not finished.”  Removing his hand from her lips, he stood and headed back toward the fireplace.  “When Whistler found me, he told me that I had a chance to be somebody.  I didn’t think that I could, but then I saw you.  I kept telling myself that I would do it, I would be somebody, only if it meant that I could protect you.”  Closing his eyes, he licked his suddenly dry lips.  “It was my purpose in life.  To keep you safe.  Then when we made love, for the first time in my life, I felt at peace.  It was as if I was missing a part of me, and I found it in you. 

“As fate would have it, I ended up destroying that.  When I lost my soul, I destroyed a part of me, a part of you.  When I came back from Hell, you were there.  Despite what I had done to you, you still cared.  You cared enough to try and stop me from ending it all.”  He turned to look in her eyes, suddenly noticing the tears that were flowing down her face.  Angel walked over to her, and knelt in front of her.  Wipeing the tears from her cheek, he continued.  “All I thought about was you.  I wanted to take comfort in you, but I didn’t want to hurt you again, by becoming a monster.  You don’t know how hard it was for me, Buffy.  How hard it was, and still is, just to be around you and not throw you down on the ground and make love to you.  I wasn’t sure that I could handle being here with you, if I couldn’t trust myself.  I couldn’t.” 

Angel moved back to sit beside her, once again taking her hands into his own.  “All you ever knew about love, was me.  At least that’s what I believed.  I know that you are the only thing that I knew.  You were my first love.  My only love.  Then I started thinking.  It started with what the Mayor said, and then when your mother came. . .” 

Buffy looked up in shock.  “My mother?  What does she have to do with this?” 

“She came to see me.  We talked.” 

“What did she say?” 

Angel shook his head, “it doesn’t matter now.  What does matter is that they were right, at least in a way.  When I looked into the future, all I saw was you.  I wasn’t sure that I could handle my life without you in it.  Even though I knew that you deserved better than me, and that I couldn’t give you what you deserve, deep down inside, I knew they were right.  Since that day that Whistler came and brought me out of my brooding,” he began with a slight smile.  “Since that day, all I have had in my life was you.  You were the reason for me living.  When the Mayor mentioned about you growing older, it hit me like a knife in the heart.  Cause, Buffy, at that moment, I knew that if you died, I would be right behind you.  I couldn’t see my life without you.  I had to go.  I had to see if I could be someone without you.  I had to see if you could be someone without me.” 

Buffy looked in his eyes.  “Are you done?” 

Angel smiled, then decided to finish so that she could have her say.  “Almost.  I wanted so much for you.  I realized just how much I loved you, and with that. . .”  Angel once again took closed his eyes.  He never thought that it could be this hard, that he would feel as if his life was hanging in the balance.  “I knew that what I wanted for you, I couldn’t give you.  We both needed to grow, Buffy.  We both needed to see if we could live without the other.  We don’t know what life will throw at us, and it’s only a matter of time before one of us dies.  The world can live without one of us, but I don’t think it can survive without both of us.”  He looked at her, and waited.  “Okay, I’m done for now.” 

Buffy looked up at him and smiled.  “Okay.”  It was her turn now to stand and walk toward the mantle.  “I didn’t know you felt that way.  I never realized how much it hurt you to be with me.” 

“It didn’t hurt.”  Angel stood, moved over to her, and placed his hands on her shoulders.  “It felt right, and I guess I was scared.  Scratch that, I was terrified.  The only part that hurt, was realizing that I wasn’t good enough for you.” 

Buffy snapped around, and slapped him.  “Don’t you ever think that,” she yelled.  “Why do you have to put yourself down like that.  You were, are the only thing in my life that was right.  You are the only person who is enough for me.  No one else can understand me, no one else can give me the sence of security that you can.  Why does everything have to come down to ‘I’m the Slayer, you’re a Vampire’ thing?  I thought we covered that.” 

“We did, but no matter how hard we try, Buffy, we can’t escape that fact.” 

“It doesn’t matter to me.  It never has.” Buffy grabbed a hold of his arms, daring him to turn away.  “You’re the only one I care about.  Without you, I’m nothing.  I’ve tired, Angel.  God knows I’ve tried.  It doesn’t work.  No one can fill the gab in my heart that you left.  I don’t know what I can say or do to convince you.” 

Angel looked down at her hands, and swollowed.  “Then tell me something.  Trust me, I have so much I want to ask you, but. . .Graduation Day.  It seemed as if you didn’t want to be around me.  Like you were scared or something.  Was it because I. . .I fed off you?” 

“God no,” she began.  Buffy had never really thought about what Angel must have been feeling during that time.  She had been soo consumed by her own grief, that she didn’t even notice.  “Angel, it wasn’t that.  I forced you to feed off of me.  Remember?  I wasn’t sure that I could face the fact that you were really leaving.  It hurt so much.” 

“I know, and I’m sorry.  I never meant to hurt you Buffy.  That’s the last thing I’ve ever wanted to do.  Granted I seem to make a habit of it, don’t I,” he told her with a sigh. 

Angel turned away from her and looked at the clock.  She had arrived early in the morning, right when he was getting ready for bed.  With all of the things that he was feeling right now, being stuck in that place with her, was the last thing that he needed.  He didn’t want to ruin her life.  He knew that if he left things would never be alright between them, but all he wanted to do was run.  The pain that he was feeling was consuming.  He wanted to take her in his arms at that moment and make all the pain go away, but he couldn’t.  He wouldn’t force himself on her, when she was obviously confused.  Buffy then glanced at the clock, and closed her eyes.  “Great, just when we finally begin to talk about things, this happens.” 

Angel looked at her confused.  “What?”  ‘ _Had she heard me,’_ he thought. 

“I have class.”  Angel nodded, turning his gaze away from her. 

“You should. . .” 

“Yeah, I should.”  Buffy moved over to take his hands into hers.  “We’re not finished yet.  So don’t even think about going anywhere.” 

“Buffy. . .”  He began. 

He was silenced by Buffy’s hand over his mouth.  “No, you’re not going to leave until we finish this.  There’s no running away this time.  Do you hear me?  If you leave, I’ll be in LA faster than you can even blink.”  Buffy walked over to her jacket, putting it on.  “I’ll be back, soon.”  Before he could even reply, Buffy walked over to him, and lightly kissed him on the lips.  “Stay,” she said as she turned to leave. 

“I will, for now.” 

“Okay, I’ll be back before you know it.” 

****************   
Part 6

Buffy sat in her Psych class, only half paying attention.  For some reason, things just seem interesting to her today.  Of course the fact that this class interrupted her talk with Angel, and with all of the other things going on, didn’t help much.  She did have a lot to think about.  And being here, with Professor Walsh, Riley, and Willow didn’t help much.  It was like both of her worlds were on a collision course and she didn’t know how to stop it.  She had a choice to make, and she hoped that no one would say anything to her until that decision was made.  More importantly, she hoped that Riley didn’t tell Professor Walsh what had happened last night.  If he did, she wasn’t sure what her answer would be.  What was she going to do if she decided to leave the Initiative?  What was she going to do if she decided to stay?  When did her life get so complicated? 

When the class was over, Buffy was grateful that Willow, just smiled at her and left her alone.  It hurt that her friend didn’t want to talk to her, but she knew that Willow only wanted to give her the space needed.  She was such a great friend.  Buffy picked up her books, placing them in her bag, as Riley walked up to her.  “Hey,” he said as a greeting.  “You didn’t call last night.” 

“Yeah, I had a lot on my mind,” she said with a small smile.  _‘Boy is that an understatement.’_

“So ah.  I didn’t tell Professor Walsh about what happened last night.  She’s been asking, though,” he informed her, as he sat down on the desk next to her. 

Buffy looked around, and was grateful that Professor Walsh wasn’t there.  “Thanks,” came her reply.  _‘Don’t ask.  Don’t even ask,’_ she thought. 

“What did they want to talk about,” he asked her. 

“Don’t you mean, who the hell was that guy who I left with?  Don’t you want to know why I chose him over you last night?  Isn’t that what you really want to know,” she fumed.  She was getting mad.  Why was it every guy that she liked, avoided the real issue?  Every guy that she had met, had always tried to avoid what they were really wondering.  What they really wanted to know.  Angel was the same way, in part.  At least he opened up to her, most of the time.  He wouldn’t keep something like this from her.  When he was jealous he had told her.  Granted sometimes after the fact, but at least he was honest about his feelings with her.  _‘Okay, most of the time.  Then he becomes just like any other man out there.  Ahh, why do they have to be so complicating,’_ she screamed in her mind.  Turning to her current boyfriend, she sighed.  “Well?” 

“I looked him up in our database last night.  How could you, Buffy?  He’s dangerous.  Do you know how many people he’s killed?  Do you know what he’s really like?  He’s a vampire for crying out loud.  Why did you leave with him,” he asked in a stern, quiet voice. 

“Riley,” she said as she placed her hand on top of his.  “I really don’t want to discuss this right now.  You wouldn’t understand Angel. . .” 

“Angelus,” he said, cutting her off. 

Buffy closed her eyes, hoping to calm the fire that was beginning to burn inside her.  “Angel,” she stressed.  “He’s not like that anymore.  You wouldn’t understand.” 

“Okay, fine.  Then tell me this,” he began.  “What happens now?  Who are you going to chose?  That monster, or me?” 

Buffy whipped around to look him deep in the eyes.  “How dare you?!  I’m going through something right now, and all you can think about is what about you?  What about me?”  Buffy knew that her voice was rising, almost to the hysterical stage, but she didn’t care.  Not anymore.  “I told you last night, that I needed time.  Don’t you understand that?  Don’t you care that there are just somethings in this world that don’t concern you.  You are not the center of my universe.  Don’t you understand that sometimes there are just things that I need to handle on my own?  For the past couple of months I have been neglecting my friends.  I have been neglecting my destiny.  Do you really know what a Slayer is?  Do you?  Do you even care?”  Buffy stopped her outburst, and took a deep breath.  “I told you I would call you when I figured things out.  I will.  Just give me time, please.”  With that Buffy left.  She couldn’t stand there and listen to his self-centeredness any longer.  She had to get out of there.  She had someplace else to be.  Just thinking about Angel, her heart swelled.  They would finish their talk, and then things would be decided.  She had to know if he still loved her, if there was a chance between them.  Her future would depend on his answer.  She only hoped it was the right choice for her. 

*****************   
Part 7

After class, Buffy didn’t stop for anyone, or anything.  She wanted to get back to Angel, before they lost their nerve.  If she could’ve missed class she would have.  But Professor Walsh had made it perfectly clear that if they missed a class they were out.  She knew that Angel wouldn’t be please that she had failed a class because of him.  He wanted her to have this, no matter what she felt.  As she walked back into the mansion, she heard Angel talking to someone.  Not wanting to interrupt, she stood out of sight, just listening.  “No, Cordelia, I haven’t told her. . .What am I supposed to say?  Oh hey, you don’t remember but. . .It’s not going to work.  I had my reasons for doing it, and trust me it’s better if I’m the only  one who remembers. . .Yes. . .No, what I feel doesn’t matter. . .I’ll live with it.  I have lived with it for months.  I think I can keep it up.  Besides how do I know if it was real.  How do I know what I thought she felt was really what she did?. . .I don’t know, she was with him right before Thanksgiving. . .I know what I saw. . .” 

Buffy stood there listening to his conversation with Cordelia, wondering just what it was they were discussing.  What was it that he could deal with that she didn’t remember?  What was going on?  She leaned a little closer, hoping to hear more of the conversation.  _‘What I wouldn’t give right now for a speaker phone,’_ she thought.  “Yes, it hurts.  Yes, every time I see her, I remember, and . . .Yeah, that would work. . .Think about what you just said, Cordelia.  Telling her right now, is the last thing we need. . . Well cause, she needs to figure things out for her own life right now.  There’s no point adding another factor into it. . .So. . .Listen I don’t want to talk about it right now.  Besides, you know how much I hate these Cellphone things. . .”  Buffy saw Angel stand and move to another part of the room.  “Why is it that you called, really.  Cause I hope it wasn’t to talk about what didn’t happen. . .It didn’t, remember.  You don’t remember, I had to tell you.  Actually, I told Doyle and he told you.  But. . .Kate?. . .Tell her I’ll be there just as soon as this is done. . .Well I’m not sure.  Tell her I’ll see her in two days, no matter.  I can always come back here after I help her out. . .Alright.  Yes.  Bye.” 

Angel canceled the call, and sighed.  “Why does she have to be so damn complicated?”  Sitting down on the couch, he placed his head in his hands.  “Have you told her yet,” he said in a horrible rendition of Cordelia’s voice.  “Of course I did.  Damn.” 

Buffy took a deep breath, realizing that there were evidently a lot more things that needed to be covered than she thought.  She made her way, noisily, into the living room.  Angel looked up at her, as she came into view.  He looked nervous, “Buffy.  Ah, I didn’t expect you back so soon,” he said as he stood to greet her. 

“I bet,” she said as she sat down on the couch.  Angel sighed, moving to sit in the chair next to the couch once again.  Buffy noticed this and smiled.  “Nervous about something.” 

Angel looked up at her, then down to his entwined hands.  “Ah, no.  Why would I be?” 

“You tell me.”  Noticing that Angel was still looking down at his hands, she moved to kneel in front of him.  “Angel, we’ve made some progress here.  We’ve started something here, don’t go all cryptic on me now.  Don’t shut me out now.” 

Angel glanced up at her, and gave her a half-smile.  “What?  Nothing’s wrong, Buffy.  Why would you think I’m shutting you out.” 

“You’re doing it again.  Angel, I want to know what’s going on.  What were you talking to Cordelia about?  Was it about me?  What don’t I remember?” 

Angel stood, wanting to get as far away from her as he could.  A part of him wanted to tell her.  Tell her about their day together, but then again. . .  Why would he want to cause her any more pain than she already was in.  “Buffy,” he began, looking down at the floor.  “It would only hurt you, and that’s the last thing in the world I want right now.” 

“If it concerns me don’t you think I have a right to know,” she asked frustrated.  “Don’t lie to me Angel.  If something is going on then tell me.” 

Angel glanced up at her, and took a deep breath.  “Can I ask you something first?”  Buffy nodded, not sure where this was going.  “When you came to see me last.  After Thanksgiving. . .God, I don’t even know why I’m asking.  I shouldn’t.  It’s not like we had anything then, so it’s none of my business.” 

“Angel, spit it out.”  Buffy moved to stand in front of him.  “Do you want to know if I was with the Initiative when I came to see you?  Are you worried that they will come after you?  Is that it?”  Angel just lowered his gaze to the floor, and Buffy sighed.  “No, I wasn’t with them then.  Why do you ask?” 

“I saw you with that Riley guy.  When I was here last.  I guess I just wasn’t sure.” 

“You should never doubt what I feel for you, Angel,” she told him, feeling her heart break all over again.  “What do I have to do to prove to you that I still care about you?” 

“You don’t.  I just had to know.”  Angel tried to move away from her again, but she blocked his way.  “Buffy. . .” 

“Tell me.  Talk to me, please.  If I’m going to be able to decide, I need all the facts first.  What are you hiding from me?” 

“You have a right to know what happened that day.” Angel began.  He paused for a second then shook his head.  “I can’t.” 

“Why not?  What’s going on?” Buffy reached out to grab ahold of his arms.  “Please tell me.” 

“I can’t.  At least not right now, Buffy.  Please understand.  I don’t want to influence you at all in your decision,” he said with a sigh.  Moving away from her again, he continued.  “A lot has happened.  With the two of us, with me, with you.  There’s just so much going on right now in your life, that I don’t want add to it.  Just please, trust me on this.”  Turning to face her once again, Angel looked her deep in the eyes.  “I promise, I’ll tell you everything.  But only after you’ve made your decision.  Whether you want me out of your life and stay with the Initiative, or not, I’ll tell you.”  He reached out to take a hold of her hands, and looked down at them.  “I just can’t tell you right now.  I’d rather that you remember on your own, truthfully, but since you can’t. . .I promise, I’ll tell you everything.  Just not yet.  Please don’t ask me again, okay.” 

“What don’t I remember about that day?  I was there.  I know what happened.”  Buffy looked at him with confusion.  “I came in, we talked.  I told you that we should keep our distance until enough time had passed to where we would forget.  Then that Mutant Ninja Demon thing came in, you killed it.  I left.”  Buffy looked at Angel hoping to get some glimpse into what it was that he was talking about.  “Does that about cover it?  What am I missing.  Please Angel.” 

“Buffy, I can’t not right now.  Please, I’ll tell you all about it, I promise.”  Angel noticed the tears streaming down Buffy’s face.  Reaching out to wipe them away, he felt terrible.  “Buffy, you know that I love you.  I never stopped.  I never will.  Just please trust me on this, okay.  I would never do anything to purposely hurt you.”  He put his arms around her, pulling her close to him.  “I’m sorry,” he whispered in her ear.  “I’m so sorry.  I love you.” 

Buffy leaned into him, taking in his strength.  “I love you, Angel.  I tried to move on, but I can’t.  It hurts too much,” she cried into his chest. 

“Shhh.  It’s okay,” he said, letting his own tears begin to flow.  It hurt so much, for the both of them.  “Everything will be alright.  Shhhh, baby.” 

Buffy looked up at him, cupping his face in her hands.  Slowly she pulled his face down to hers, as she felt her heart begin to pound in her chest.  As their lips met, in a gentle kiss, they both began to feel the rest of the world dissolve.  The kiss became more passionate, as Angel’s tongue pushed it’s way into her mouth.  Buffy slide her hands down his back.  Once she reached his pants, she began to pull his shirt out of them.  Angel’s hands began to work on the buttons of her blouse, revealing the bare flesh beneath.  When Buffy’s warm hands touched his cold flesh, Angel moaned.  “Buffy.  Oh god, I want you so much.” 

Buffy pulled away, leaving Angel to growl in protest.  She stayed close to him, however, not wanting to be far way from him.  Not wanting this to end, but knowing that it should.  “We can’t do this,” she said slowly coming to the present. 

Angel closed his eyes, “Buffy, if this is about the clause.”  Opening his eyes, he cupped her chin to look deep into her eyes.  Her eyes were dark with lust, making him want her more.  He could tell that, that was what she was worried about.  Nothing else mattered to either of them at that moment.  There was no Riley, no Initiative, nothing except the two of them.  Angel didn’t want this to end.  “There is no clause.  Not anymore.” 

Buffy’s eyes went wide.  “What?  When?” 

Angel smiled, “the day after Thanksgiving.  The Oracles. . .” 

“You didn’t tell me,” she said a little hurt. 

“I didn’t find out until recently.  Then when I did find out, you had moved on.  I didn’t want to interfere in your life,” he informed her setting away from her.  Once again, he felt as if he had hurt her. 

Buffy moved around him, to bring his face back down to hers in a deep kiss.  Pulling away she smiled.  “So. . .You can be as happy as you want to be?” 

Angel looked down at her, full of desire.  “Yeah,” he said, his voice was thick with desire.  Buffy just smiled, then jumped up into wrapping her legs around him.  They began to kiss with such passion.  They couldn’t get enough of each other.  Angel reached between them, ripping the rest of the buttons on her blouse.  Reaching behind her, he began to pull at the clasp of her bra, exposing her fully to him.  Angel pulled away slightly, to look down at her.  “You’re so beautiful.” 

“Make love to me, Angel,” she said to him softly.  Not wanting to wait any longer than they already have, Angel gently laid her down on the couch.  As he bent back down to kiss her, his hands lightly glided against her soft skin. 

He moved his mouth from her lips, moving to her ear.  “I love you.  I want you so badly,” he whispered, nipping her ear.  Buffy moaned in delight, as he made his way from her ear to her neck.  When Angel lightly bit her neck, she felt as if her entire body was going to explode.  She felt herself clench in desire, as the wetness between her legs grew.  Angel slowly moved his way down to her collarbone, then further down to her chest.  “So beautiful,” he whispered against her. 

She could feel his tongue dart out to lightly run up the underside of her breast.  “Angel,” she moaned as her hips thrust forward trying to get closer to him.  She felt the pressure building deep in her core, and she knew she wouldn’t last much longer if he kept this up.  In the back of her mind, she knew that no other man could make her feel this way.  No one else could bring forth the same type of fire within her that Angel could.  That Angel was doing to her right now.  She had missed this.  Missed him.  Buffy grabbed a handful of his hair, pulling him away from her breast.  “You have too much on, lover,” she said with a smile as she began to pull his shirt up over his head. 

Running her hands over his taunt muscles, she pushed him back.  When both of them were sitting, she leaned Angel back against the back of the couch, and straddled him.  “Better,” she sighed.  Leaning forward, she began to kiss his throat, lightly grazing her teeth along his neck.  Angel groaned, when Buffy continued to nibble his neck, while raking her nails over his chest.  Angel’s eyes flew open when he felt her hands move toward his belt, undoing it, then moving toward the buttons.  “I want you, Angel.  Now,” she hissed into his neck.  Angel grabbed a hold of her arms, practically throwing her down onto the couch.  He made quick work of her jeans, pulling them off of her, along with her panties.  He could smell her desire, as he reached up and parted her legs.  “Angel,” she groaned.  Slowly, he began to kiss up her legs, kissing her knees, and the inside of her thighs.  “Please,” she begged, wanting so much for him to touch her. 

“You’re so wet.  You smell so good.”  Angel looked up at her, from his spot between her legs.  “I wonder if you taste as good as you smell,” he said.  Before Buffy could reply, Angel’s hand parted her.  She felt him place a finger inside her, and his tongue moving up and down her opening, tasting her.  Placing another finger into her, he began to slowly move them in and out of her.  Moving his mouth away from her sex, Angel began to kiss his way up her body.  With his fingers still sliding into her, he kissed her bellybutton, running his tongue around it, into it. 

Buffy could feel the pressure deep in her, building beyond control, as Angel continued to kiss his way up her body.  His thumb was gently rubbing her clitoris, the moment he reached her breasts.  “Angel,” she screamed.  She didn’t know how much more she could take, but she knew she didn’t want this to stop either.  She wanted more, in fact.  Much more.  Buffy ran her fingers through his hair, and down his back.  His muscles were taunt.  She felt him take one of her pert nipples into his mouth, as she raked her fingernails across his back.  His tongue circled her nipple, then pulled one into his mouth, and gently bit down on it.  Buffy groaned as the first waves of her climax hit her.  He continued his onslaught on her nipple, moving on to the other one, as his fingers continued to move in and out of her.  Her inner muscles clenched him, as she fell deep into the abyss.  “Oh god,” she moaned as she was sent over the edge.  “I love you.” 

Angel moved up to her mouth, kissing her deeply.  “Shhh, I love you,” he whispered into her mouth, as his tongue drove deep into hers. 

Buffy pulled away slightly, looking at him with passion in her eyes.  “I want you inside me,” she said, with conviction.  Angel quickly removed his pants and boxers, then sliding between her legs.  Buffy wrapped her legs around his hips, feeling his member at the entrance of her sex.  “Please,” she said.  Angel closed his eyes, and thrust into her.  Buffy moaned in pleasure, as she felt him slide deep within her.  _‘God, I’ve missed this.  Only Angel can fill me this way,’_ she thought.  Slowly, Buffy began to thrust up toward him. 

Angel began to move, slowly pulling out then thrusting deep into her.  He began to kiss her neck moving in to take her earlobe into his mouth.  “Buffy,” he sighed.  “You feel so good.  So tight, so warm.” 

“Angel,” she groaned.  “More,” she asked him, in which he readily answered.  Angel’s thrust quickly became shorter, harder, as he felt her begin to tighten around his member.  “Oh, Angel.  You feel so good.  Don’t stop,” she said, in between thrusts.  “Harder.”  Buffy could feel the beginnings of her climax, as Angel thrust deeper within her.  Farther than she ever thought possible.  With each thrust, she could feel him hitting her most sensitive spot.  “Oh, god,” she moaned as she bit her lip.  Her hands went to cup his butt, forcing him deeper. 

Angel could feel his control slipping as she tightened around him.  He knew he didn’t have much longer.  He reached down between their bodies, finding her clitoris, he began to run his finger across it.  Buffy closed her eyes, the waves of desire showed on her face.  She clenched tighter around him, as he continued to drive into her.  “Angel,” she groaned. 

“Buffy, I’m coming, baby.  Oh god,” he sighed as he felt her climax.  Not being able to take the growing discomfort, he gave into the pleasure.  “Buffy,” he moaned as he shot his cold seed into her. 

Their lips met in a passion filled kiss, both trying to come down from ecstasy.  “Angel,” she whispered.  “I love you.” 

“I love you,” he told her.  Angel rolled to his side, pulling her deep within the safety of his arms. 

Buffy curled into his embrace, and closed her eyes.  “Stay with me,” she asked as she felt the pull of sleep. 

“Always,” Angel replied as they both drifted off to sleep. 

Neither one noticed a young man standing in the shadows, watching the whole scene play out.  He turned to leave, feeling betrayed.  Once outside, the young man closed his eyes.  “Damn you, Buffy.  You and your little Vampire Lover are going to pay,” he said as he made his way back to his car. 

*****************   
Part 8

Riley walked into his dorm room, and headed straight for his closet.  _‘I can’t believe that she would do something like this to me,’_ he thought.  Opening the doors he pulled out a black pair of jeans and black shirt.  He wanted answers, and he’s do anything to get them.  He had it all planned out.  He’d follow Buffy and that Vampire, until he got the answers that he felt that he deserved.  No matter what. 

***************** 

Buffy stretched out on the bed.  She didn’t remember going up to bed, in fact the last thing she remembered was falling asleep in Angel’s arms on the couch.  _‘He must’ve brought me up here last night,’_ she thought with a smile.  Reaching out for him, her arm hit an empty space beside her.  Buffy sat up in bed, quickly looking around.  “Angel,” she asked as her fear began to rise. 

“I’m right here,” she heard his reply.  “Sorry I had to call Giles.  I didn’t want to wake you.”  Angel made his way back to the bed, pulling Buffy into his arms. 

Buffy wrapped her arms around him, placing her head on his chest.  “I woke up, and you weren’t here.”  She glanced up into his eyes.  “Sorry.  I guess, I got a little scared.  I thought. . .” 

Angel ran his hand through her hair, hoping to calm her fears.  “Shhh,” he whispered, kissing her hair.  “I told you I would be here.  Didn’t I,” he asked.  Angel felt Buffy nod her head.  “I’m sorry if I scared you.” 

“It’s okay,” she sighed.  “I was just beginning to think that it was normal.” 

Angel tilted his head so that he could look her in the eyes.  “It’s not.  Anyone who would make you think that is a fool.” 

Buffy gave him a slight smile.  “Really?” 

“Yes,” he began.  “Trust me, I’m the biggest one yet.”  Buffy hit him on the arm in response.  “Hey,” he said, trying to sound hurt.  “It’s true.” 

“Last time wasn’t really your fault, Angel,” she told him in all truthfulness.  “Neither one of us knew what would happen.” 

“True, but I did ultimately leave.”  Angel leaned back against the headboards, pulling Buffy with him.  Angel took a deep breath, dreading what he was about to ask.  Keeping Buffy within his grasp, he decided to go ahead and do it.  “You know, I didn’t want to do anything that would push you in a direction, position that, you wouldn’t want to be in.  I hope you don’t think I did this to make you chose us over the Initiative.” 

Buffy laughed at the thought.  “No, I know you didn’t.”  Looking up at him, she placed her hand on his cheek.  “I know some people who would do something like that.  And you aren’t one of them.”  Angel grinned.  “It’s true.” 

Angel lightly kissed her on the lips.  “Okay I have to ask, Buffy.  What about Riley?” 

Buffy’s eyes widened.  “Oh, Riley, right.”  Buffy turned so that she could lean back against his broad chest.  “Well, I care about him.  I do.  It’s just that. . .I don’t know.  I guess I don’t love him.”  Buffy reached for his hand, entwining her fingers with his.  “When you left, I kept telling myself that I could do what you wanted me to do.  That I could find some nice, solid, normal guy who could make me happy.  It’s what everyone wanted for me.  Unfortunately, it didn’t work. 

“I look at all the guys that I’ve dated and all I see is failure.”  Buffy didn’t see the hurt look on Angel’s face.  He knew full well that he was one of those failures.  He hated hurting her.  “Let’s see,” Buffy began, drawing his attention away from his own thoughts.  “There was Owen and Scott.  Both could’ve died because of who I am, and neither could understand why I would spend so much time with Giles and the others.  That and the fact that, neither could understand why I would so distracted.  Then of course there was Parker.  I still can’t believe that I fell for that one.” 

Angel pulled her deeper into his embrace.  “I’m sorry for what happened.  I can’t tell you how close I came to coming down here and having a talk with him.” 

“How did you. . .” she asked silently. 

“Spike told me, when he came after the Gem of Amara.  Of course he told me while I was being tortured, so,” he said with a half smile. 

Buffy’s eyes went wide, as she turned in his grasp to face him again.  “Tortured?” 

Angel just shrugged.  “It’s done.”  Cupping her chin in his hand, he smiled.  “They have . . .well had a lot to learn about how to torture someone,” he told her, hoping to make light of it.  “I’m alright.  No permanent damage.  Besides, it all worked out in the end.”  Buffy opened her mouth to say something, but Angel stopped her by placing a finger on her lips.  “You were saying before,” hoping to get her off of the topic of his torture.  He had spent the equivalent of 500 years in hell, and no form of torture that Spike could dish out would compare. 

“I was?  Oh yeah, my air quote, love life.”  Buffy leaned her head on his shoulder, and sighed.  “Do I love Riley?  I don’t know what I feel right now.  I don’t love him anywhere near as much as I love you.  But he had treated me good.  He cares about me.” 

“That’s what I wanted for you”  Angel looked up at the ceiling, and closed his eyes.  “I didn’t make love to you to make things harder on you.  I’m sorry if I did.  That’s the last thing I’ve ever wanted.  I didn’t plan this, Buffy.  I hope you believe me.” 

“I know.  I do believe you.  I’m confused, is all.” 

Angel turned his attention back to their hands.  Their differences were very apparent, as his large, pale, cold hands holding her small, tan, warm hands.  They were in almost every sense of the words, as different as night and day.  “What ever you decide, I want you to know, I’ll live with it.  But even if you decide to stay with Riley, know that I’ll sill be there for you.  No matter what. I want you to do what’s right for you.” 

Buffy smiled.  “I know.  That’s one of the reasons why I love you so much.” 

“I do.  With all my heart and soul,” he declared. 

“Okay, let’s say that I chose you.  What then,” she asked. 

“We’ll work it out.  Take things one day at a time.  But I think we both would need some time to sort things out, both separately and together.”  Angel tightened his grip on her hand.  “If you want up to try, I’m not going to give you up easily.  I don’t think I can live without you anymore.”  Angel glanced over at the clock next to the bed.  “I promised Giles, I’d stop by tonight.  I don’t want you to worry about patrolling, okay,” he informed her.  He knew he didn’t want to leave the warmth of her embrace, but knew that one of them had to work.  “I’ll handle it.  You have enough on your mind right now, that you shouldn’t have to worry about patrol too.” 

Buffy pulled his hands up to her lips, kissing them.  “I’ve missed that.” 

“What,” Angel asked, confused. 

“Patrolling with you.  Knowing that you’re there to watch my back.” 

Angel pulled away from her, only to get a moan in response.  “I have to get ready.  It’ll be dark soon.” 

Buffy moved over to the edge of the bed and stood as well.  “Okay.  I’ll come with.” 

“You sure,” he asked.  He wanted her to be sure of her choices right now.  He knew he’d be devastated if years from now, she realized things had been a mistake. 

Buffy just smiled, pulling his head down to hers.  “I’m sure,” she answered back.  Kissing him on the lips, in a gentle soft kiss, she smiled.  “How about a shower first,” she asked as she pulled him toward the bathroom. 

*****************   
Part 9

Buffy and Angel walked down the dark streets leading toward Giles’ apartment, hand in hand.  “Truthfully, I never even realized that it was that bad.  I thought that it was what they all wanted me to do.  So when we were at Giles’ last night.  I just sort’ve shut down.  I couldn’t believe, or couldn’t even imagine, that I could be that way.  I mean I know I was shallow back before I became the Slayer.  I thought that I was over it thought, you know.  I mean. . .”  Angel stopped in his tracks, causing Buffy to turn toward him.  “What?” 

Angel placed his hands on her shoulders.  “Take a deep breath, and calm down.”   Buffy did as he asked, then looked up at him and smiled.  “You are not selfish.  You are the least selfish person I know.  You care about others.  And besides, if you were as bad as you say you are, do you think you’d be feeling this way now?” 

“No, probably not.  It’s just. . .” she began. 

Angel cut off what she was going to say with a kiss.  Pulling away, he looked down at her.  “Didn’t you just tell me a few hours ago not to cut myself down?  I have a lot more years of practice at brooding than you do.   You are. . .You’re a better person than I am, Buffy.  You should never doubt that.” 

Buffy grabbed a hold of his hand once again, and continued to walk down the sidewalk.  “You’re a wonderful person too.  You’ve done a lot of good in resent years.  In fact I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you.” 

Angel sighed, “I was told once that I was the real deal in the hero department.  I just don’t see it, I guess.  There are a lot of people who are a lot stronger than I am.  Don’t get me wrong, I want to make amends, and to help people.  But there are people who would do something, risk their lives on the spur of the moment.” 

“We both risk our lives for people.  Most of the time they’re people that we don’t even know.”  Buffy smiled.  “Real deal, huh?” 

“That’s what he said.  Of course, I don’t think he’s right.  I know I don’t feel like a hero, or an angel for that matter, which I’ve been called at times.”  Angel smirked, shaking his head.  “Oh well, people die, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.  Death is a part of life.  That’s the way things work.  We can’t save everyone.” 

Buffy tightened her grip on Angel’s hand.  She could almost feel the sadness flow through him.  These last couple of minutes, he had been acting strangely.  If she wasn’t confused before, she was now.  Turning to face him, she reached up to cup his chin.  “What’s wrong?  You mentioned something about Doyle yesterday.  What happened?” 

Angel closed his eyes, trying to shut out the wave of guilt and pain that had hit him.  “He’s dead.  He gave his life to save others.  He got his atonement.  End of story.” 

“Angel,” she began. 

Angel released her hand, moving away from her.  “Look, Buffy.  I don’t want to talk about it, alright.  Let’s just leave it alone.” 

“You’re hurting, Angel.  I can see that.  If you don’t talk about it, you can’t heal.”  Buffy moved toward him, but he had continued to stay out of her reach.  “Why can’t I help you?  Why won’t you let me in?” 

Angel just shook his head.  “This is something I have to deal with Buffy.  There has been a lot going on, and I have to deal with it.  You don’t need to be burdened with my problems too.” 

“Isn’t that what relationships are for?  Taking care of each other.  Helping each other through their problems.  Sharing?”  Buffy was getting angry with him for not being open with her.  What was so terrible that he wouldn’t want to share with her.  She only wanted to help him through his pain, just as he had done for her many times before. 

Angel looked past her, and swallowed.  “Buffy. . .” 

Both heard a noise off to the side, and turned to face the new comer.  “Riley,” Buffy said.  “What’s going on?  Is everything alright?”  She could tell that there was something different with him, she just didn’t know what.  It was a little strange.  What was he doing out there?  Shouldn’t he be with the Initiative?  “Were you following me,” she asked accusingly. 

“We need to talk, Buffy.  I want answers.  I deserve the truth,” he said as he walked up to the couple.  “What’s going on?” 

“What do you mean?”  Buffy looked at his hard gaze, and sighed.  “Angel and I were talking.  I’ve been trying to come up with some answers, so that I can decide what to do.”  Buffy walked up to Riley and tried to reach for his hand, but he pulled away. 

Riley moved away from her, heading over to Angel.  “What do you think you’re doing?  What have you done to her?  Is this some sick joke?”  Riley pushed Angel, causing him to move back a step.  “Tell me.  What have you done to Buffy,” he yelled. 

Angel turned his head, to look at Buffy.  “I’ll leave the two of you alone, and head to Giles’.  Don’t worry about patrolling, I’ll take care of it.” 

“You’re not leaving here until we cover something,” Riley stated. 

Angel ignored him and continued to talk to Buffy.  “The two of you need to talk somethings out.  So I’m just going to leave the two of you alone.” 

Buffy just nodded, knowing full well that Angel was giving her a way to try and clear up her confusion.  She loved Angel, but Riley was her chance at a normal life.  The very life that Angel had left her for.  She knew that she had cared a great deal for Riley, and that it could become something more.  She just didn’t want to give up her possible life with Angel either.  She was confused.  She hoped that talking to Riley would help her along.  She had already decided that she would be there for her friends, and not the Initiative.  But where would that leave her and Riley?  Would he still want her?  “See you soon,” she asked Angel. 

Angel just nodded, then tried to move away from the two.  “No,” Riley said.  “Not yet.  Not until I get my answers.” 

Angel looked at Riley, and shook his head.  Here was this young man that Buffy cared about, standing in his way.  If Riley wanted to cause a scene and fight, Angel wanted no part of it.  He didn’t want to hurt this guy.  Well not unless Riley forced him to.  “Look, kid, I have no fight with you.  If you want a chance at Buffy, and working things out, then you’re going to have to listen to her.  It’ll be better if I’m not here, trust me.”  Both Buffy and Angel knew that Angel was a very jealous type, and he didn’t want to be around to see the ‘show’.  Angel didn’t think he could see Buffy in the arms of another man without tearing the guys throat out.  He wouldn’t do it, however.  He knew that it would tear Buffy apart, and maybe drive her away from him.  That was the last thing that he wanted.  He wanted her to be happy, above all else. 

“Yeah, like I have a chance.  She sleeps with me, then the very next day she’s in bed with you.”  Riley whipped around to face Buffy.  “That’s how you treat your boyfriends.  I thought we had something Buffy, and this is how you repay me.  You sleep with a Vampire?!  What were you thinking?” 

Buffy couldn’t hear what he was saying.  How did he know that her and Angel had, as he put it, ‘slept together’.  Of course, he didn’t realize the extent of what the two felt for each other.  “You followed me?” 

“I wanted to talk to you.  I was hoping to try and talk to you.  I thought that we could talk about our fight, but when I arrived at that place what did I see?  I should’ve known.  I should’ve listened to Parker.  I can’t believe that I actually stood up for you.  You’re a slut, plain and simple.”  Riley didn’t see Angel’s angry glare.  All he could see was the pain on Buffy’s face.  “I can’t believe that you would betray everything that we believed in, by sleeping with the enemy.  You told me that Vampires were just demons.  What were you thinking?  Were you thinking?” 

Buffy glanced down at the ground beneath her, not believing what Riley was saying.  She was hurt, but she could feel the anger rising within her.  “Riley, Angel isn’t like that.  He’s different.” 

“Oh so you not only have been hiding Hostile 17 from me, but you were hiding this from me too.  How long have you been sleeping together behind my back, huh,” he asked.  Riley didn’t care what Buffy thought.  He was hurt, and he wanted to take it out on someone.  Buffy was the most likely person at that moment. 

“Riley, you don’t understand.  Angel and I have known each other a long time.  He’s not like other Vampires.  He’s different.  You wouldn’t understand,” she tried to explain. 

“I don’t want to hear it.  I trusted you, and this is how you repay me.  You use people for your own purposes, Buffy.  I just can’t believe that I slept with a whore like you.” 

Angel had had enough.  He reached over to Riley, turning him around to face him.  “Don’t you ever call her something like that again.  Don’t you see what you’re doing to her?” 

“Like you care.  You slept with her.  I hope she was good, cause that’ll be the last time you ever see her again,” Riley told Angel. 

“Don’t you even think about taking him in,” Buffy warned Riley.  She too had had enough.  Riley had stepped over the line, by threatening Angel. 

Riley just shook his head in disgust.  “You’re disgusting.  Both of you.”  Riley pulled back, and punched Angel in the face.  “I will make you pay.” 

Angel went down to one knee, wiping the blood from the corner of his mouth.  Angel knew that Riley wasn’t that strong, at least not strong enough to take him down, but Angel had been surprised.  That was a mistake that Angel would never make again.  He looked up at his ‘attacker’ and sighed.  “I don’t want to fight you.  I’m sure that if you just listen to what Buffy has to say, everything will be clear.” 

Riley glared once again at Angel.  “I know what I saw.”  Then he kicked Angel in the head, forcing the Vampire down to the ground. 

Angel sprang up, in full Vamp face.  He was ready for a fight.  “I tried to be nice, but you’re pushing the limit, kid.  I hate getting punched by some punk who feel that they have to prove something.  Does it make you feel better?  Cause I know I will when I beat the shit out of you.” 

Buffy walked up to Angel and Riley, standing in between the two.  The last thing she wanted was to see Riley die.  For one, she would have to try and explain to Riley’s friends what happened.  But most importantly, Angel didn’t deserve to feel guilt over someone like Riley.  She knew that if the two fought, Angel would win.  Most likely Riley would be dead.  There was no doubt in her mind.  Riley didn’t deserve to die, but Angel didn’t deserve to feel bad about doing it if he did.  She didn’t want Angel to feel any more pain.  He had been through enough already.  “Riley, why don’t you just walk away.  Get out of my life, and I’ll stay out of yours.  Trust me this isn’t worth dying for.” 

“Yeah, like he could beat me.  I’ve killed Vampires before, who’s to say that this time would be different.”  Riley reached behind his back and pulled out a stake. 

Riley launched forward, not caring that Buffy was in the way.  Angel noticed the stake making it’s way toward Buffy’s chest, and he pushed her out of the way.  No one noticed, Angel’s fist moving toward Riley’s jaw.  Before the stake could touch him, Angel’s fist connected, sending Riley back.  Riley landed in a group of trash cans that lined the side of the street.  Angel began to make his way over to Riley, wanting to finish the job that he had started.  No one would hurt his Buffy and get away with it.  “Let’s finish this,” Angel growled. 

Buffy was on her feet in an instant when she saw Riley fly into the air.  She quickly made her way toward Angel, blocking him from the semi-unconscious man.  “No,” she sternly told Angel.  Buffy turned to Riley, who was having a hard time keeping his eyes open.  “Riley, just leave it alone.  You leave Angel alone.  You leave my friends alone, and more importantly you leave me alone.  I don’t want to see you again.  I suggest that you take note.  Angel could’ve killed you tonight, but he isn’t.  Take what’s left of your life and stay the hell out of mine.  If I ever see you again,” she began but vaguely remembered that he was a TA.  ‘Guess I’ll have to drop that class,’ she thought.  ‘Oh well.’  Buffy kneeled down to Riley and shook her head.  “If I see you near anyone that I care about again, my friends, or anyone else, you’ll have to deal with me.  You already know that you can’t take me on.  So I suggest that you listen to what I’m telling you.  Leave me the hell alone, and stay the hell out of my life.” 

Buffy turned to Angel, and reached up to wipe the blood off from the corner of his mouth.  “You okay?”  Angel tried to turn away, but Buffy held him there.  She wasn’t going to let him turn away from her now.  “Oh no you don’t.  You’re not going to shut me out now.  You know I don’t care about this,” she stated waving to his face.  Angel closed his eyes, calming down, and changing back into his human form. 

Angel held out his hand, “let’s get to Giles’.”  Buffy placed her hand in Angel’s, and the two walked away from Riley. 

As the two walked, Buffy could feel the tension in the air.  She didn’t know what to say to him.  How could she tell him that she had slept with Riley a day before she had made love to him?  Buffy knew that what she had had with Riley was nothing compared to what her and Angel shared.  With Riley it was sex, plain and simple.  But with Angel it was soo much more.  They connected on some level.  Something that she couldn’t explain, but knew that she would never find it anywhere else, with any other man than him.  “Angel,” she began, feeling nervous.  “About what Riley said.” 

Angel shook his head.  “You don’t have to explain, Buffy.  I understand.  The two of you were dating, it’s a normal thing,” he answered despite the pain that he was feeling.  Angel had never liked the idea of Buffy in the arms of another man, but what he felt didn’t matter.  All that mattered was that Buffy was happy. 

“I don’t love him, Angel.  I love you.  If I could take it back I would.  I want you to know that,” she told him.  Her voice was breaking, she could feel herself breaking.  She had hurt him, something that she never thought she would do again.  She should’ve told him before.  Why didn’t she?  Buffy turned to face Angel, looking up into his eyes.  She could see the slight pain in his eyes, and it broke her heart.  “I’m sorry.  Can you ever forgive me?” 

Angel looked down at their hands, and sighed.  “There’s nothing to forgive, Buffy.  What happened with Riley doesn’t change the way I feel about you.  Nothing can do that.”  Angel brought Buffy’s hand up to his lips and lightly kissed it.  “You’re my reason for living, Buffy.  Nothing can ever change the way I feel about you.  Nothing.  I hope you know that.” 

“I do.  But I’m still sorry.  I never meant to hurt you,” she said through the tears that began to fall.  “I’m sorry.” 

Angel wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close.  “Shhh.  There’s nothing to be sorry for.  Shhh.  It’s okay.  I love you.”  Angel just held her as she cried.  When he noticed that she was beginning to calm herself, he pulled away slightly to look down at her.  “Come on.  Giles will begin to wonder where we are.” 

Buffy just nodded, as the two continued toward Giles’ apartment.  They would talk more later, but now wasn’t the time.  Not in public, not in the middle of town.  This was something to be covered in privacy, not somewhere that anyone could hear.  Buffy had all intention of finishing what they had started.  Especially now that she had decided where she wanted to be, what she wanted.  What she wanted more than anything was Angel.  All she had to do now, was to prove it to him.  She hoped that he would accept. 

*****************   
Part 10   
  

Buffy and Angel had arrived at Giles’, so that she could tell them what she had decided.  Angel left to patrol, letting them work things out between themselves.  Unfortunately for him, Spike had decided to tag along.  The two quickly made their way toward one of the many cemeteries in Sunnydale.  “So did you shag her,” his childe asked. 

Angel just shook his head in disbelief.  “It’s none of your damn business what happens between Buffy and I.” 

Spike laughed, slightly.  “Well the way the two of you are making googly-eyes at one another, I’d have to say yes.  I’ve always wondered, what is Goldilocks like in bed?” 

Angel spun around, grabbing Spike by the lapels.  “Don’t you ever talk about her like that.  Do you hear me?  I will rip your heart out of your chest and feed it to you before you explode into dust.” 

Spike just stood there, looking into the face that was a couple of inches from his own.  “My, did I hit a nerve?”  Angel just glared at Spike, but the younger Vampire didn’t even flinch.  This had been their game for years.  “Hey, I’m all for you and the Slayer.  It makes me sick to see her with that little wimp.” 

“What do you care?  You never liked Buffy,” Angel hissed. 

Spike pushed Angel’s hands off of him, the straightened his jacket.  “So she’s worked her way into my life.  I care about that little girl, and her friends.  So I’ve gone soft.  In fact, I can’t believe that I’m saying this.  I’m turning into you.”  Spike turned and sat down on a tombstone nearby.  “I never thought this day would happen to me.  I’m bad,” he stressed.  “What am I doing with a bunch of goodie, goodies.” 

Angel wasn’t sure what to say to his childe.  A part of him was proud of him.  Spike was helping Buffy and the others out of the goodness of his unbeating heart, despite what was done to him. Spike could still do serious harm to the world if he chose to, but he didn’t.  Spike hadn’t been ‘cursed’ with his soul but he still helped.  Angel knew that if he was in the same position as Spike was, he wouldn’t be able to do it.  Angle sat down next to Spike and sighed.  “You’re a better man than I am, Spike.”  Angel glanced down at his hands, and sighed.  “I’m glad you’re watching out for them.  I can’t even begin to repay you.” 

Spike looked at his ‘Grand-Sire’ in awe.  Angel was actually saying that stuff to him.  “Alright, enough of the mushy stuff.  You just make sure that you don’t hurt her again.”  Spike caught the slightly amused look on Angel’s face.  “She’s pretty annoying when she’s depressed.  And frankly, you’re better for her than fish-boy.” 

“Come on,” Angel began, standing.  “Let’s go find us some demons to hunt.  I have entirely too much frustration built up.  People should know not to interrupt a fight.” 

Spike stood, rubbing his hands together.  “Couldn’t finish off Fish-boy, huh?”  Angel just shrugged.  “Was he still walking?”  Angel didn’t answer, just began to walk deeper into the cemetery.  “Can I watch,” he asked with an evil smile.  The two Vampires began to look for the fight they both wanted.  “It’s just like old times.  Bloody perfect.” 

******************   
Part 11

Angel and Spike had just finished their patrol.  They had stayed out until the pending sunrise forced them to stop.  They were both pleased that they had actually seen some action.  It was an easy fight, despite the fact that the demon had gotten a few good shots in.  It felt good to let loose, from both Vampires.  During the night, they had talked and Spike had even brought up the idea of him going to LA and working with Angel.  Angel however wasn't so sure about how that would work out, so they agreed to wait awhile before anything was decided. 

Angel walked into the mansion, with time to spare.  Making his way toward the first aid kit he had on the mantle, he noticed his beautiful angel asleep on the couch.  Hoping not to wake her, he grabbed the kit and sat down in the chair to fix his hand.  Buffy turned toward Angel, and just watched him carefully clean and wrap his hand.  "Have fun last night," she asked him. 

Angel looked up from his injured hand to glance at her smiling face.  "Hey, sleep well?"  He caught Buffy's glare, and he smiled.  "It was eventful," he answered her.  Angel finished with his hand then moved to sit by his beloved.  "How did things go with everyone?" 

"Good," she replied.  "I even went to talk to Riley and told him I was out of the Initiative.  Maybe someday we can be friends, but who knows.  It's up to him." 

Buffy positioned herself so that her head could rest on his shoulder.  Angel wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him.  "I've been wondering something," she said in a quiet voice. 

Angel laid his head on top of hers.  "What?" 

"What about us?  Can we make this work?"  Buffy turned slightly so that she was looking deep into his eyes.  "I just don't think I can live without you again." 

Angel took a much unneeded breath, and sighed.  "We'll work something out.  I mean you still have college, and I still have a business in LA.  It's not going to be easy." 

"No, I'm not even going to pretend that it would be.  I mean, I know, I don't want to lose you again.  Do you," she asked.  She had to admit that she was scared.  She didn't want to see what was going on between then go away.  All she wanted in her life was Angel. 

"I don't think I could live another day without you," he replied truthfully.  Angel turned so that he was facing Buffy, and took her hands in his.  "I told you that I would tell you about. . .that one thing we talked about yesterday. . .and I. . ." he tried to get out.  He wasn't sure quite how to tell her what had happened that day. 

"Oh," she said with a small smile.  "That thing that I don't remember." 

Angel glanced down at their hands, and nodded.  He closed his eyes, gathering his thoughts.  When he opened his eyes, he looked deep into her eyes.  "Do you trust me?" 

Buffy looked at him in shock.  "You know I do.  I trust you with my life, and soul.  Why do you ask?" 

"You're just going to have to trust me, when I tell you this, Buffy."  Angel licked his dry lips, hoping that she won't be angry with him.  "That day after Thanksgiving, when you came up to LA. . .what you remember. . .well let's just say that wasn't the way it happened the first time." 

Buffy was confused.  "The first time?"  Buffy shook her head in disbelief.  "What are you talking about?" 

Angel looked back down at their hands, not wanting to see the hurt he knew was going to be there.  He had no doubt that she would be angry with him, especially since once again he made a decision that greatly effected her life.  "The first time, the Mohra demon got away.  We went to try and hunt it down.  You went up into the sunlight, and I ran into it.  We fought and some of his blood mixed with mine. I was human," he quietly said, giving a quick glance back up at Buffy.  When he saw the shocked look on her face he turned his attention back to their hands.  "We. . .we were together, then Doyle had a vision that the demon had regenerated itself.  I let you sleep, as I went to fight it." 

Angel sighed, closing his eyes.  "You found out, and came to fight the demon.  Since I was human, there was nothing I could do to help.  I went to see the Oracles, and asked them to change me back." 

"Why," Buffy asked in a small voice. 

"Because I realized just how much I loved you.  If I was human, I would've been a liability to you.  The Oracles said that one of would die.  I couldn't live with that, especially since I knew I could protect you better as what I am. . .now.  I'm sorry."  Angel took a deep breath.  "They told me that they would turn back the day, but I would be the only one who would remember.  They gave me a chance to stop Mohra before his blood could mix with mine." 

"Why didn't you tell me?" 

Angel tried to stand, but Buffy stopped him.  "I don't know.  I guess, I didn't want to hurt you.  I figured that if you know then it would. . .I don't know.  There was nothing we could do to change the fact that it didn't happen, but did. . . Anyway, I figured it was my punishment for taking it away from you.  I'm sorry.  I didn't know what else to say." 

Buffy placed her hand under his chin, raising his face to hers.  "You gave up your chance at being human for me?"  Angel's eyes focused on a spot over her shoulder.  "And you've lived with this, knowing no one else would remember."  Buffy moved her head so that she was looking him in the eyes.  "No one has ever done anything. . .I mean, that's they sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me."  Buffy smiled, then leaned in to give him a small kiss on the lips.  "So what did we do exactly?  What was it like?" 

Angel gave her a small smile. "It was incredible."  Angel looked deep into her eyes, and grinned.  "I remember that you were standing in the sunlight, on the beach.  You were so beautiful," he said, as he brushed a piece of hair out of her face. 

"Then what," she asked him.  Buffy hadn't told him, but she had been having dreams about him being human since that day.  Her heart swelled as she realized that her dreams really happened.  She really wanted to try everything all over again.  She remembered the table, hearing his heart beat, and the ice cream. 

Angel pulled her into his arms, and lowered his head to hers.  "This," he whispered as their lips met. 

Slowly they pulled away from each other. Angel leaned back against the couch and held her to his chest.  "I remember," she quietly told him. 

Angel lowered his gaze to her.  "What?"  Angel was confused, she wasn't supposed to remember. 

Buffy raised her head off of his chest, and smiled.  "I remember.  Well at least most of it.  I've been having these dreams, and I guess now I know for sure.  I told you I wouldn't forget."  Buffy curled closer into his embrace.  "I love you." 

Angel smiled, shaking his head.  "You're not mad?" 

"Nope."  Buffy began to feel her eyelids become heavy.  "Mmmm this is nice.  I like just being in your arms.  Safe, secure." 

Angel could tell that she was fighting sleep, just as he was.  They were comfortable.  Since neither one of them had gotten much sleep in the past couple of days, they decided to give in.  "I love you," Angel told her as he closed his eyes. 

***********************   
Part 12

"So what's going to happen now?" 

Buffy glanced down at her hand, that once again had her claddagh ring, on her finger.  "Well we'll see each other on the weekends, and holidays.  And of course we'll talk to each other on the phone." 

Willow sat on her bed, and sighed.  "I have to ask, only because I'm your friend and I care.  Are you sure about this?  I don't want you to get hurt again," Willow informed her friend.  Deep inside she was happy, but she felt she wouldn't be a friend if she didn't state her concerns. 

"Oh, we both know it's not going to be easy.  And we both still need time apart to grow.  But we're willing to try."  Buffy said with a smile.  "We worked out a lot of things while he was here, but we still have more to talk about.  If it's meant to be, then it will.  All I know is, I can't live without him in my life, in one way or another.  No one ever said love was easy, I guess."  Buffy smiled up at her friend.  "We've been through so much together.  We feel as if it's our time to take fate in our own hands."  Buffy reached toward a picture she had on her dresser.  It was a picture of her and Angel at the Prom.  Smiling she traced her hand across it, subconsciously twirling the ring on her finger.  "God, Will, I love him so much." 

Willow moved over to Buffy's bed and sat down next to her friend.  "Then I'm happy for you.  You deserve to be happy." 

"Thanks."  Buffy looked up at Willow remembering that they were going to meet up with Xander at the Bronze.  Placing the picture back down on the dresser, she stood.  "Ready?"  Willow stood, grabbing her purse.  Before they could reach the door however, the phone rang.  Buffy went over to pick it up, telling Willow to wait a minute.  "Hello?. . .Well actually Willow and I are going out. . .Yep. . .I miss you too. . .Okay. . .I will. . .I'll see you soon. . .I love you too. . .Bye." 

Buffy gently placed the phone back down, then turned back to her friend.  Willow smiled, knowing who was on the phone, but decided to play it dumb.  "So," she began.  "Who was that?" 

Buffy grabbed her purse, moving toward the door.  "Angel," she said, as her eyes glowed with happiness.  Willow enjoyed seeing her friend so happy.  It had been too long.  The old Buffy was back.  Willow only hoped that it would last.  Granted she had a very positive feeling that things were now going to be alright.  Buffy opened the door.  "Let's go.  Xander's waiting."  As Willow stepped out of the room and closed the door, Buffy smiled.  "Oh, yeah.  Angel says hi." 

Willow tried not to laugh.  _'Yep, everything is finally right in the world.'_

The End?   
    
    
 


End file.
